ESPN News, ESPN Bet, and the wonders of Cognitive Dissonance

From ESPN:

Houston Astros right-hander Lance McCullers Jr. said he and his family were the subjects of death threats made on social media after he allowed seven runs as part of a 10-run first inning for the Cincinnati Reds on Saturday night.

A team spokesperson said the Astros notified the Houston Police Department and Major League Baseball security about the threats.

"I understand people are very passionate and people love the Astros and love sports, but threatening to find my kids and murder them is a little bit tough to deal with," McCullers said. "So just as a father, I think there have been many, many threats over the years aimed at me, mostly, and I think actually one or two people from other issues around baseball actually had to go to jail for things like that. But I think bringing kids into the equation, threatening to find them or next time they see us in public they're going to stab my kids to death, things like that, it's tough to hear as a dad."

Notice what is NOT mentioned here (or anywhere in the full article, please feel free to check it out on ESPN.com?)  Any hint that the death threats may be coming from gamblers who have lost money betting on McCullers' appearances on the mound.  No, those threats just couldn't be coming from people who have lost money - they must be from people who "love sports" and "love the Astros" and are just "passionate" about the game.  

Why can't ESPN even acknowledge the gigantic, multi-billion dollar elephant in the room? Well, how could they?  It's a major revenue stream.  And as we all know, it's very easy for people to ignore something obvious if their income depends on their ability to ignore that something. 

Sooner or later, ESPN BET and all of the other gambling platforms- as well as the celebrities who pimped out their credibility to pitch this life-ruining addiction and major league sports across the board- will have blood on their hands and will certainly respond with raised hands, a Pikachu face and a lame "nobody saw this coming, thoughts and prayers" bit of legal boilerplate.  Because in the end, Capitalism is the only real morality and after all check out the very, very fine print at the bottom of all of these commercials.  Butt, Covered.

What the Dick's??

 

1.  Am I supposed to know who this young woman is?  I looked it up, and it turns out that she's an Olympic Gymnast.  Ok.  I'm going to ask again- am I supposed to know who this young woman is?

2.  Am I supposed to believe that a black guy working in the shoe section at a Dick's Sporting Goods would quickly recognize an Asian Female Gymnast like she's LeBron James or Pat Mahomes?  I can suspend disbelief for some advertisements but this is a bridge too far, and we're not even at the worst part of the ad yet.

3.  This woman can do a back flip.  So can this guy, who I'm going to go out on a limb and guess is not an Olympic Gymnast.  She responds to his feat by saying "that's cute," and then enlists CGI to defy gravity and show us once again that American Television is more than willing to toss physics aside in the service of showing up a guy in a contest* with a woman.

What is this ad trying to sell me again?

*a contest he didn't even know he was in.  Without being prompted, this woman just barged in on a guy's work area and did a back flip.  So he showed he could do one too.  Instead of just acknowledging that he could do a blackflip, she decided to use computer magic to grind him into the dirt where I guess he belongs for daring to be able to do a backflip.  Where is the part where I'm supposed to be inspired to buy sneakers or anything else from Dick's Sporting Goods?  I mean, what the hell?

Hey look it's another scummy Home Warranty Ad!

 

This one features the recently-passed George Foreman, who was worth more than $100 million when he died and did not need the check he got shilling for this lousy business, and certainly didn't need to worry about paying for home repairs.  The people who buy in to this nonsense non-coverage certainly DO have to worry about sudden repair bills, and the very last thing they need is to be throwing money away on trash like "Home Warranties" which turn out to be every bit as worthless as Car Warranties (which, by the way, are no doubt sold by the same companies.)

Foreman sold his image to fake not-Medicare insurance, too, proving once again that for some people there is simply no such thing as Enough Money.  I hope he enjoyed the quick payday and it landed with a splash when he threw it on the pile.  Wherever he is, it's doing him precious little good now, isn't it?  Meanwhile, yeah, those appliances will break and that roof will leak.  I suggest a dedicated bank account to deal with such emergencies.  I also suggest you ignore ads like this, regardless of which electric grill salesman is doing the pitching.  

Ford Chose...poorly....*

 

Stellantis- the multinational umbrella corporation for Chrysler which has owned Jeep since 1987 (did you get all that?) produces some of the very worst-rated motor vehicles sold in the United States.  They are built entirely or almost entirely within the United States, which I guess allows Stellantis to peddle their purchase as some kind of patriotic act, complete with a very expensive spokesperson who actually owns a Jeep (along with a lot of other vehicles he can drive when that Jeep is in the shop. Very relatable.)

Besides producing this overpriced crap (the Grand Cherokee seems to be a particularly buggy model) and fending off class-action lawsuits from angry customers, Stellantis also produces such notorious garbage as Fiat and Alfa Romero- all gloss and glitter, no dependability.  The company has become a punchline among car enthusiasts the way Ford (the company, not the actor*) was in the 1970s, 1980s, 1990s...oh heck, it's still a punchline.

*come to think of it, Harrison Ford's last big release was Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny, which bombed hard, suggesting that he's no better at choosing film products than in choosing all-terrain vehicles.  I bet the check for doing this ad is more than enough to pay the repair bill when the next piece of plastic on that Jeep breaks, though.

This Wendy's Baconator Ad makes me the opposite of hungry

 

I could go all day, every day, without seeing repeated close-ups of these idiots- or ANY idiots- aggressively biting into greasy hamburgers as if some vendetta against bread and meat is being settled. Why are they attacking these cholesterol delivery systems rather than simply eating them?  And why did one of these guys arrive with the burgers as if he committed a heist instead of just making a quick run to the Wendy's drive-thru?  And who thought that showing these guys attacking their "food" to the sound of orchestra riffs would be entertaining or interesting or make the product look one bit less repulsive?? 

 

Why do they both look so angry?

Why are the bots in the comment section even more obvious than usual?  I mean, come on.  Nobody thinks this ad is good.  Nobody.

So many good questions.  No good answers.

I have a job for this Apple Intelligence Clean Up Photos Option

 

I would like the option to zoom in on this commercial, touch the screen, and have it completely erased from my memory forever.  I didn't ask for this, I don't want this, and I know I'm going to see it again so I'll have to make repeated use of that option because someone over at Apple thought that this was a good idea.

What the actual hell am I even watching this person do?  Why is the other person taking these photos?  Why is the subject of the photos so irritated that the person who managed to hold down her lunch while taking them accidentally showed up in one?  What is the plan once the photos have been taken?  Can I assume they are going to be shared because Everything Is Shared?  But why?  Is that just a dumb question only a Boomer would ask?

I just can't with this ad.*  I need it explained to me, yet I don't want it explained to me.  I'm just going to go outside and shake my fist at a cloud instead.  

*and yes, I know why the comments are turned off.  I'm sure the level of hate was ridiculous and I would not have contributed in any way; I don't care about the sex or gender of these people because it doesn't matter.  This is a garbage ad regardless. 

That Bud Light Superbowl Commercial: Dead Men Drinking

 

Apparently this is why men* work five days a week in offices doing Important Things for Important Companies from roughly the time they are 25 until they are in their mid-60s:  So they can spend their weekends sitting in folding chairs in their driveways drinking watered-down swill until inspired to do something even more pointless and stupid and time-wasting, probably by a combination of the slight beer buzz they are getting,  sun stroke, and a generally lack of interest in anything beyond that cul-de-sac.

So we get a kind of mini-riot in which leaf blowers are used to shoot cans at the houses of the equally vacuous neighbors who of course are instantly shaken out of their Suburban Comas to commit their own acts of vandalism until finally settling down to an afternoon of grilling, drinking and trying not to remember that time in college when they actually thought that their lives might have some level of meaning.  Peyton Manning shows up because of course he does; this is a commercial on American Television running during a sporting event and I'm pretty sure his presence is required in the FCC code.

On Monday morning all of these guys will climb into their Range Rovers, Audis and F-150s and head back to the office for another week of doing Whatever It Takes To Pay for This.  And so it goes.  Until the sweet embrace of death comes for them and nothing of value is lost. 

*I am well aware that we live in a two-income economy, but I also know that in Commercial Land the guy is still the main breadwinner and especially in beer commercials women are just props.